TULSA, OK- Since the release of Pixar’s Finding Dory, the tissue-paper company Kleenex has had a product shortage.
“They’re definitely related,” Parent company Kimberly-Clark CEO Thomas J. Falk said. “We had similar numbers when Inside Out, Toy Story 3, and Up came out.”
When we talked to Pixar’s Chief Creative Officer, John Lasseter, he just shrugged. “That’s what we hope will happen. In all our movies, we try to have a really emotional core. Like, super emotional. We have test audiences cry into buckets, and if they don’t fill the buckets, we scrap the scene and add a death or animal farm and holocaust imagery. If a voice actor doesn’t cry while recording, we also take note. Once, an animator got so emotional while animating, we had to send him home early because he got water in the computer. That was the main computer for Cars 2.”
Kleenex said they are not upset with Pixar. “We love the business,” Falk said. “We can’t complain. This has been the biggest surge in business this year save for the weird shortage on July 4th this year in Oklahoma.”
Pixar’s next movie will be Cars 3, much to Falk’s reported disappointment.
[Editorial Note: This post is satire, and is thus fake, and exists basically to make you laugh]